I dance

Music and dancing were a large part of my childhood. My Mom would cook or clean blasting Gloria Estefan, Michael Jackson, Motown, or any of the other amazing music she listened to- that's when music became part of my soul, part of who I am. When we were old enough, my cousin and I would join my Mom and Aunt on their nights dancing at the Holiday Inn. Those were always the best nights. Everyone swaying to the music, people watching, grooving.. dancing has always been my happy place.

Every single one of my happiest AND saddest moments in my life have included dancing. The morning of our wedding, I was a ball of excitement and nerves. I turned on Michael Jackson's Greatest Hits album and danced in the kitchen while everyone else was getting ready. My bachelorette party was a night of dancing at the Holiday Inn. Every birthday that I was given the option, we went dancing. The morning of Matt's funeral, I put on my dress, slipped in my airpods, and danced on the deck for as long as I could. It calms me in a way nothing else does.

I took the boys to the jewelry shop yesterday to pick up a ring I needed to have repaired. The four of us and the manager were the only ones in the store. Brandy- 'Sitting up in my Room' came on. I was holding Macon, trying not to sway too much because I was in public, but couldn't help myself because that is a JAM. I started singing a bit, because how could I not... I then hear the manager singing, too. I see him start to sway. Before I knew it, Macon was running with his brothers in a store full of glass and diamonds, and the manager and I were grooving and singing with not a care in the world.. He then says, 'tell me you grew up in the 90's without telling me you grew up in the 90's' we laughed and danced.. I've been listening to that song since yesterday. This morning Macon says, 'Mama, turn on your favorite song and hold me.' We started dancing in the kitchen and before I knew it, Madden was dancing right there next to us.. we had a beautiful morning. I see that music and dancing are part of who our boys are, too. It brings me infinite joy.

As previously mentioned, manners are our thing- particularly table manners for Matt. We sat as a family of 5 every night for dinner. No cell phone/no tablet rule, only music. When Matt would leave the room or get up to get more food, or when the boys and I would have a sliver of a chance, the 4 of us would stand up on our chairs and shake our booty's to whatever song was playing … Matt always caught us and would shake his head and try not to laugh, because that is quite the opposite of good table etiquette, but it is our thing and brings us endless amounts of laughter and joy. Seeing us happy made him happy.

'The cook doesn't clean where I come from...' is what I'd always say after dinner... so Matt would do the dishes if I didn't feel like it that day. He had one rule- Taylor Swift. I'd look over and see him singing and swaying to Taylor. The more dishes to wash, the more his hips moved and the louder he sang. Matt was a proud swifty. The key chain to our golf cart is a Taylor keychain that came with her new CD I got him years ago. It was a prized possession of his. He often told me the only woman he'd ever leave me for was her… Dream big, my man! He loved music, too. One of our favorite things was blasting music on a road trip- just him and I singing our favorite songs, holding hands. When I hear certain songs, I can place him and I with a memory- that makes my heart happy.

At our old house, to protect our (my) sanity during the initial Covid Lockdown, Matt enclosed our back porch and that's when Club H was born. We had our neighbors/covid crew over every single weekend to dance as the kids would play in the basement. At the time when everything in the world seemed so uncertain, we adults had a few hours once a week to dance, to groove, to forget about every care in the world and just be. Music and dancing bring people together in such a beautiful way.

We had plans to bring Club H 2.0 to our new home... Eventually I'll work on that to protect the uncertainty I face today. It'll be a place to gather and celebrate the good times and create new memories with the people we love. But for today, I'll dance in my kitchen and smile at the beautiful memories.