September 2nd was our dating Anniversary. September 4th, our wedding. No doubt he would have had a plan for this weekend. We treated every occasion as a holiday- birthdays, anniversaries… we always made these things a big deal, because they are a big deal. To love and be loved is to be celebrated. To have a birthday is an honor. A promotion is recognition of hard work and sacrifice, at times, and deserves a toast or a party. We always celebrated one another with no thought or expense spared.
Downtown Cleveland was our go-to. He’d always book a fancy hotel room for us to enjoy spending a night away from the boys. Earlier in his career he spent a lot of time in The Land, so he knew the fun spots and restaurants to go to. We’d rent a bird and scoot through town, just him and I- carefree. Enjoying moments of alone time and togetherness as that time became more rare as our family grew. His plans were always a surprise. By now I’d be so anxious with anticipation- what do I wear? What do I need? Where are we going? Two years ago I thought we were going to dinner and coming home- here, he had an overnight bag packed for me in the truck with everything I needed for an overnight stay. I was in awe of how flawlessly he always pulled off a surprise. I’d try my best to get any hints out of him, but he rarely cracked. I was never disappointed. He was so thoughtful with his planning.
Yesterday I received a card in the mail from Matt’s cousin recognizing that this will likely be a tough weekend for me. So unbelievably thoughtful to not only remember the date, but to send a card. It is so humbling, still, the way people have shown up for the boys and me. Constant love, support, and encouragement lifts me up in a way I still can’t fully verbalize. The dreams friends have had, the memories of Matt they share with me… it matters. It keeps his spirit alive and reminds me I am not the only one grieving the loss of such a beautiful soul. It’s proven to still be true that after four months of him being gone, we’re all different now and we share in that together.
I woke up earlier than usual today. The sky looked like cotton candy- so delicious how the blue faded to pink without a hint of a line. I sat in wonder thinking he created such beauty to celebrate us and to send love to his best friend for his Birthday today.
Now I sit thinking of how he asked me to be his girlfriend that night and how even though we spent nearly 21 years of our lives together, an eternity wouldn’t have been long enough for him and I.
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