This reoccurring thought keeps coming to me, so naturally, I write. I want to acknowledge the danger of social media- this blog included.
With exception, of course, I choose positive, I choose happy, I choose brave.. but that’s not always the case. As with life, with friendships and marriage, things aren’t always rosey.
I received a few messages after my last post acknowledging shared pain and experiences. If you search through my social media or read my blog, it would appear I had/have the perfect life. The perfect marriage. The perfect avenue to hold our babies in our arms. The only time I’ve written or posted something other than good on social media was with the losses of those I loved the most. How deceiving. For me, I post only positive and happy times because there is so much negative in the world, so many stressors, so much pain- I choose to share happy. However, that’s not always real.
Personally, I love the photos my cousin posts of the ‘imperfect’ photo shoots of her children- that’s real. That’s what we all experience, yet few post about it. I loved the blooper reel of my fellow Indy Moms’ vacation photos. That’s real talk, right there. I am definitely guilty of choosing the best photos to post. But why? It takes more courage and is more relatable to be real than it does to showcase this idea of perfection. *Note to self*
I suppose writing this disclaimer will help clarify, maybe to you and me, that social media is a smoke screen. Matt and I had our issues. We didn’t get to where we were in our love story without struggle, pain, arguments, and blowouts. I have dealt with the pain of loss more times than any thirty something should. My children misbehave and don’t listen at times. I cry often, especially after writing because the experiences I write about take so much energy and thought, that though it’s therapeutic in so many ways, it is also a painful reminder that he’s no longer here.
I’ve been wanting to write about this for weeks, but it’s scary to be vulnerable- it opens you up to judgement and criticism. But what a better time than now to lay my cards on the table and be as real as it gets. Being an open book is part of what makes me, me.
I’ll close with I have been dealt a real shit hand.. there’s no doubt about that, but pain is pain in any form and we all share in that in some way. Perfect is boring and untrue. The struggle makes us who we are and how we deal with it changes everything. How we relate to one another makes us human. I’m no less grateful for my three boys and blessings upon blessings in my life- I just find that being open and honest is where true growth and healing takes place.
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